Plain Sailing

3 ways to avoid the football

After the great response we got for our post about football being a massive waste of time, we thought we’d offer some advice for you all about the best ways to avoid watching, following, or even hearing about football this summer.

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1. Hide

Since hospitalising yourself or working from home are both unlikely to give the desired effect, one way to avoid the football is to get away from all people – since other people are likely to want to talk about it.  This could be in remote woodland using your Bear Grylls knowledge, it could be by living breaking into a remote light-house, or it could simply be done by hiding in the bushes of a lay-by on the M1.  Whichever, the key is to remain hidden for one month. 

2. Become a monk/Nun

Want to avoid the football, but still want human interaction? Ok, well how about signing yourself up for a trial month as a monk or nun?  You’d still get to see people, eat well, perhaps even get to go outside and work the land – but odds are that they won’t be following the football too religiously…

3. Go to sea

You want to avoid football with your friends?  Ok?  Well, one almost fool-proof way to avoid the football is to get on a boat without a TV and sail as far as you can from any radio masts which will broadcast anything in English (or any other languages you can understand).  You can sail away completely oblivious to anything, and wind up in a remote bay or island (away from any Dutch or German people, who would no doubt brag about some result or other and blow the whole operation – though, word for the wise: the Dutch didn’t even qualify for this tournament, so they have no room to move on this one!). 

Being out at sea on a boat has the added benefit of, well, being out at sea on a boat – which is clearly the most awesome-est thing to do in the world ever, regardless of whether or not someone, somewhere, is kicking something. 

Sound good? Charter a yacht in (non-English-speaking) Greece or Croatia from from £900 a week!